Nervous

In a week's time, I will be starting my new job as a MO in a completely new and different environment and system.

I was excited initially, hoping that this day would come quickly. But now that the day is coming, I'm feeling nervous, curious, worried and probably a tad scared.

I was looking through the list of MOs attending the compulsory orientation, and apart from my elder cousin and someone I did my attachment with once, I knew no one else. And I'm one of the few "New Hires" in the list.

It's not important actually. In fact, being given a fresh start is great. I'll get to meet new people, and hopefully, make a few sincere friends.

I've been spending the last few nights, asking myself and Dearie various questions. I knew neither of us had the answers to them and wasn't expecting any answer anyway, but somehow, it made me feel better voicing them out.

I spent a good amount of time pondering if I am still competent in bleeding a difficult patient, inserting venflons, clerking patients, examining them, list out differentials, manage them etc etc. The questions which raced through my head were uncountable, and many times, I started scaring myself with my sudden lack of confidence.

The break was probably somewhat too long and I should be thankful that it's coming to an end. It's only a matter of time I get back into momentum, and this is what I've been telling myself to calm my nerves a little.

Being new to the medical system and training here, I have no idea how competent my fellow colleagues are and I wonder what my level of competency is compared to them. It's not a matter of wanting to win, but surely I wouldn't want to be one of the rare few struggling to survive.

Life as a doctor is well-known to be tough, and from the memoirs written by various local doctors, it seems that what lies ahead of me is living hell. I'm not sure if I'm gonna agree to that (hopefully not), but I shall stay mentally prepared that it's not going to be easy. However, I shall try my very best to stay positive.