First on call @ home

Quite a nightmare I would say.

It's my first on call tonight (and I'm actually blogging whilst on call..) and it did start off being quite unpleasant with phone calls going off every less than 5 mins from different colleagues handing over ill cases, and outstanding jobs to do.

Honestly, I don't think I can ever be more polite to anyone here and hence, cannot quite understand why some colleagues are downright rude. Really hated it when another MO sounded really pissed having to repeat to me the ward and bed number of a patient he wants to handover. Was there really a need to get upset? Then there are also some nurses who r super rude and pays no respect to anyone. I dread it even more when they try to boss me around too. Maybe like what my colleague said, I'm probably too nice, hence people start climbing on top of my head and abuse me....hahahah. Anyway, there r assholes around, just like there would be some angels.

I felt really crap barely less than 5hrs into my on call, and I'm actually thinking how the hell am I going to get through my life feeling this way for the next few years. Being thrown in a jungle with a completely different system is sheer agony, and I have lost count of the number of times I feel like a useless bum, thinking twice if this place is where I should belong.

I am learning bit by bit, but at the same time frustrated by the fact that I haven't got any life outside the hospital and even more frustrated that I start panicking if I don't go to bed by 11pm every night (I hate waking up feeling sleepy). I have some really wonderful nurses and colleagues, but somehow this place doesn't seem to fit me very much. I'm consoling myself that perhaps I'm still green to everything here, and somehow, things will all fall into place soon. I guess a positive mindset is my only solution to overcoming the odds.

Had a nice chat with Dearie over the phone at abt 11pm. I was just traumatised over an emergency case before then, and needed to talk to someone. It was both consoling and heart-warming just hearing his voice. I wish I had a little hug.

3 more hrs to go before I end my call, and start my Saturday day shift. And my next call wouldn't be until next mth. I shall do some serious studying during this period, and gear myself up for my next on calls.

Hopefully with time to come, I'll feel better about everything here... :(